After three great but decidedly non-comic-oriented Batman films and one stillborn attempt at tackling Green Lantern, one can almost smell the despair wafting off of DC and Warner Bros.  Picture the publisher that invented the superhero comic and is couched in one of Hollywood’s most venerable studios, looking on sullenly as Marvel Studios cranks out hit after hit and then successfully combines them into the theatrical equivalent of Scrooge McDuck’s moneybin, while their own half-baked plans for a Justice League movie are foiled time and again like the predictable machinations of a Z-grade supervillain.  The good news is that for DC and Warner, Batman’s no longer the only game in town.  Superman’s back, and Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel is a huge leap in the right direction, which if played correctly could be the definitive first step towards a shared cinematic universe to compete with Marvel’s unstoppable Avengers engine.  That is, if the Internet can manage to not foul things up for everyone.

I get it, I totally do.  Superman is a really difficult concept to capture on film, and unlike Batman or Spider-Man, there’s seemingly no general consensus on how to do it right.  He’s the last son of a dead planet, shot through space in a moment of desperation and raised by his adoptive parents to go forth and do good in the world.  But beyond that, the bullet points are not as well-established as they are for most of the other heroes that have breached the same level of public consciousness.  For legions of people gorged to the point of bursting on the dark edginess of Batman, Superman is the “big blue boy scout”, a bland and morally-handcuffed farmboy unable to hang with the cool kids.  For some, he’s simply too overpowered to be interesting, his very presence calling into question the legitimacy of any threat or even the need for other heroes.  And perhaps worst of all, for an extremely vocal contingent of movie goers and critics, he’s Christopher Reeve.

Don’t get me wrong–I like Christopher Reeve, and have no desire to undermine his memory or his undeniable place as the grandfather of cinematic comic book heroes.  I understand that for a lot of people my own age or older, he was Superman.  But it’s also important to remember that when I and many others were very young, Adam West was Batman.  That show was hugely popular and hung around in syndication for ages, and while there have been a few live action interpretations of Batman since then, I remember no point where droves of people clinging to the past cried out for the sagging tights and lazily painted-over Joker mustache of old.  So why are so many critics enshrining a Superman who flew fast enough to reverse the planet’s orbit, successfully turning back time and undoing an earthquake?  Why the hyperbolic nostalgia for that moment when Superman peeled the logo off his own costume, hurled it towards General Zod and company, and it for whatever reason enveloped and banished them back to the Phantom Zone?  Those first two Superman films, known colloquially as “the good ones”, had their time and place but are at this point no less ridiculous than a handy canister of Bat-Shark-Repellent.  And Reeve himself, while an admittedly perfect Clark Kent, was as Superman the very epitome of that painfully earnest boy scout image everyone claims to find so boring.

But for whatever reason, the specter of Christopher Reeve seems to confound the ability of audiences to accept any new interpretation of the character.  Even Bryan Singer’s hugely flawed Superman Returns  received generally favorable reviews, seemingly for the simple fact that star Brandon Routh was told to play it like Christopher Reeve.  Never mind that the movie painted Superman as an emotionally blank deadbeat dad and dutifully recycled the same old Lex Luthor real estate schemes from the 70′s.  Finally, thirty five years after Reeve put on the tights, DC is giving people who actually read Superman comics a film that they might enjoy–a film that has clearly taken detailed and accurate notes from the Marvel cinematic handbook.  And the Internet…complained?  Of course they did.  Let’s take a look at the film, shall we?

Man of Steel is an origin story, but one that deftly side-steps the issue of origin fatigue that plagues so many reboots.  It begins on Krypton, a world as inescapably doomed as Peter Parker’s uncle Ben.  Jor-El (Russell Crowe) readies his newborn son Kal-El to be launched through space towards Earth, an infant refugee tasked with preserving the legacy of the Kryptonian race.  This sequence also introduces us to General Zod (Michael Shannon) and sets up his eventual return as the villain of the film.  It’s a bit of storytelling economy that might not sound like much on the surface, but considering the incredibly lengthy setup required to do the average Superman villain justice, I appreciated this approach.  And it certainly doesn’t hurt that Shannon throws every available ounce of intensity into his performance; any ten seconds of screentime he has would be enough to establish Zod as a villain not to be trifled with.

When we next see Krypton’s last son it’s as a fully grown Clark Kent (Henry Cavill), drifting between odd jobs at the far corners of the Earth under various assumed names, compelled to move on every time he reveals his abilities while averting some disaster or another.  It’s on one of these jobs in the middle of nowhere that he first meets ace reporter Lois Lane (Amy Adams), culminating in a moment that quickly and mercifully dispels any need for the old “Lois is fooled by a pair of glasses” nonsense.  Interspersed are flashbacks to his life as a young child, attempting to maintain a normal life while coming into his powers, with guidance from his adoptive parents Jonathan (Kevin Costner) and Martha Kent (Diane Lane).  Man of Steel avoids the predictable linear trudge between growing up in Smallville and moving to Metropolis, and instead plays out as a series of vignettes that allow us to see how the lessons of the child inform the actions of the man.  We’re finally given a cinematic Superman with all the complexity of his comic book counterpart–a man with near infinite-power torn between living among the people he’s come to care for and living above them, the capacity to do great deeds tempered with fear of shaking the foundations of an entire race.  Eventually Clark learns of his true identity and is swept inexorably towards his destiny as Superman, but Cavill’s performance continues to feel informed by those conflicts.

When General Zod finally arrives on Earth, free from the Phantom Zone and backed by a small contingent of Kryptonian soldiers, the film switches gears into some of the biggest, most heavy-hitting fight scenes ever recorded in a superhero film.  Certainly the biggest ever involving Superman, whose powers have been historically relegated to averting natural disasters and handling plane crashes.  In addition to being the first actor to really nail the subtleties of the character, it’s worth noting here that Cavill is also the only one thus far to really look like a convincing Superman, and when he goes head to head with a battle-armored Zod it’s like something out of a Godzilla film.  Far from the persona attributed to him by the non comic-reading public, Superman’s full fury unleashed has always been a sight to behold on the printed page, and Zack Snyder and his effects crew do a mostly great job transferring that to the screen.  A few scenes become hard to track as the foreground becomes increasingly filled with flying rubble, but for the most part I had no issues and the pacing was excellent.

By the time Man of Steel draws to a close, the stage seems set for DC to follow in the footsteps of Marvel’s efforts.  Will his presence, as Jonathan Kent once cautioned, prompt the people of Earth to reevaluate what it means to be human?  Now that Superman has been outed to the public, will more heroes step up and make themselves known?  Will the destruction left in the wake of his showdown with Zod provide billionaire industrialist Lex Luthor the perfect opportunity to endear himself to the American people while calling into question the wisdom of allowing this alien presence to operate unchecked?  If they play their cards right the possibilities going forward for DC and Warner Bros. feel endless and exciting, and I sincerely hope that their momentum isn’t killed off by the bizarrely polarized critical reaction to a superhero film that was as solid as any other we’ve had in recent years.  Fans will always have those old Christopher Reeve films so there’s no need to ever really say goodbye, but with 75 years’ worth of varying interpretations in the Superman comic books, perhaps it’s time to allow for another one to exist on the big screen.

Director J.J. Abrams’ 2009 franchise reboot was, by most accounts, a pretty good Star Trek film.  A little heavy on the lens-flare, perhaps, and for those familiar with the characters, it could occasionally suffer from “origin story fatigue”.  But all the pieces were there, the roles were well-cast, and the decision to branch out into a parallel universe and free the series from the confines of old continuity was well-played.  The recently released follow-up, Star Trek Into Darkness is not just a good Star Trek film or even just a good sci-fi film, it is simply a good film.  The all around stellar cast now fully inhabits their iconic roles, and Into Darkness breaks into that once-rare territory of sequels that easily surpass the original.

Star Trek, although it began with an intense battle sequence, was forced to slow down pretty early on, establish several characters, and wait until about halfway through to really get into the meat of the story.  Not much time was left for an interesting villain or any but the most basic interactions among the crew.  Into Darkness starts out with a beautiful foot chase on an alien world, with Kirk (Chris Pine) and Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban) being pursued by the natives while Spock (Zachary Quinto) attempts to detonate a cold-fusion device inside a massive volcano which is only seconds away from erupting and wiping out the developing race.  All this while trying to avoid breaking the series’ trademark “Prime Directive”, which prohibits Starfleet from making any visible contact with pre-space travel beings, even in an effort to save their species.  So that’s the beginning, and it never lets up from there.

Best Friends Forever

While Kirk and Spock are being reprimanded for their noble yet still frowned-upon actions, disaster strikes in the form of a mystery man (Benedict Cumberbatch) apparently out to destroy Starfleet by any means necessary.    The Enterprise is sent on an all-too militaristic mission which involves pursuing the terrorist to the Klingon homeworld, at the risk of igniting all-out war.  For fans of the existing Star Trek canon, this is a great film packed not only with references to the original television series and films, but also containing a story that exists at the very core of the philosophical and moral structure that Trek is known for.  Namely, how does a federation with the ability to go anywhere and the technology and firepower to exert control over anyone keep itself from doing just that, while still existing as a proactive force for good in the universe?  Series creator Gene Roddenberry never shied away from using Star Trek as a platform to ask these questions of a country entangled in Vietnam, and here we are almost fifty years later with the same characters asking the same questions of a world that still hasn’t learned any better.  On top of all that is an incredibly slick action film with plenty of jokes that’s still great on a purely superficial level, but it’s reassuring to look just underneath and see the beating heart of classic science fiction, which at its best has always been a reflection of who we are and where we’re headed.

Just because I don’t mention Uhura doesn’t mean she’s not good!

I don’t want to delve into too much of the story, namely the villain, because even though I’m sure it’s been spoiled for a lot of people already, the marketing kept it a secret and I’ll honor that for those wanting to go in fresh.  Rest assured though, Benedict Cumberbatch gives a performance worthy of the series’ most memorable villains, and brings so many things to the table that the 2009 film was lacking (sorry Eric Bana, it wasn’t your fault).  Zachary Quinto, to paraphrase the title of his predecessor Leonard Nimoy’s second book, IS Spock, and his always-stellar portrayal of the character just keeps getting better.  Karl Urban is the other standout as Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy, and I’m sure that if DeForest Kelley were still alive he’d be beaming at how beautifully his character has been preserved.  Every ounce of curmudgeonly frustration, every ridiculous homespun metaphor…he’s just a delight to watch in every single scene.  Chris Pine has probably the hardest job here since the original Captain Kirk was essentially just Bill Shatner in a gold shirt, but I think his take on the character evolves quite a bit this time around.  Last but not least, Scotty (Simon Pegg) and Chekov (Anton Yelchin) get a lot more screentime in which to be hilarious and also important.

Basically what I’m saying is, by all means go see this movie.  It won’t be the biggest blockbuster of the summer, but I think it’s safe to say that it will be among the best.  Into Darkness is just extremely well-crafted all around, leagues above the usual generic summer sci-fi crowd.  And as a longtime fan, I have to say that after so many years of uncertainty, it is great to see the Star Trek name back in the hands of people who genuinely want to do it justice.

In 2003 Mattel launched a line of 7″ scale figures featuring Batman and an assortment of villains and allies, all of varying degrees of quality and complexity.  This line then began to be alternated with waves of Superman figures, before finally giving way to the DC Universe Classics line: Mattel’s answer to the competing Marvel Legends figures, and a series that would become legendary for inspiring customer frustration.  It seems we’ve now come full circle, and Mattel’s once again has a collector-oriented line focused entirely on the residents of Gotham City, entitled “Batman Unlimited”.  I was heavily invested in all the lines that led up to this one, buying almost every single figure for around six years, until I eventually had to sell the bulk of my collection.  Even though I do still have a modest shelf of Batman toys, thus far the Unlimited line has not really piqued my interest.  The figures are expensive, there are only around three released at a time (taking any and all fun out of sifting through the pegs at the store), and I generally just try to be a little more careful with my purchases these days.  Today, however, “responsible” lost a critical battle with “fanboy”, and I walked out of Target with a brand new figure based on pre-crazy Frank Miller’s magnum Batman opus, The Dark Knight Returns.

The packaging is fairly bland, as is the case with most packaging destined for the action figure aisles of big-box stores these days.  There’s no fancy card art, although the insert with the iconic silhouette and lightning bolt imagery from the comic is a nice enough touch.  The logo they’re using to headline the boxes, however, is decidedly unattractive.  The “Batman” portion is by far the worst in a long line of attempts to shoehorn Batman’s name into the shape of his logo, and the “Unlimited” part looks really lazy and tacked on, like they hadn’t named the line until the very last minute.  Which, I suppose, is entirely possible.  Why they’re still running with it in wave 2 though, I’m not sure.  The back of the card features a shot of Batman and future-Robin Carrie Kelley, with a brief plot synopsis of The Dark Knight Returns.  None of this matters all that much to me since I’ve opened almost every figure I’ve ever bought, but it all feels pretty bare bones for a $17 toy.

The figure itself, thankfully, is much nicer.  It’s bulky and solid, without any of the shoddy paintwork or rickety, unstable joints that plagued most of the DC Universe Classics line.  Little details like the belt pouches and boot treads are well done, and feel faithful to the Frank Miller designs that inspired the figure.  The boots and gloves have sculpted-in creases that look appropriate for Miller’s aging and run-down take on Batman, but unfortunately the wrinkles and folds in the overall costume that have been captured so well in DC Direct versions are lost here.  It still looks good, but the end result feels a little like Frank Miller by way of Ed McGuinness.

Articulation is good, and doesn’t take away from the sculpt in any area.  The “ab crunch” joint even helps with regaining a bit of that hunched-over look that might have otherwise been completely lost in translation.  The hip joints are somewhat inhibited by the shorts, but it’s a worthwhile trade-off for having the shorts actually sculpted instead of just painted on.  And as with any figure featuring a rigid plastic cape, you’re not going to get much out of incredibly poseable legs anyway.  Perhaps most importantly in the sculpting department, the feet are the right size for the body, and the figure stands freely without resorting to a base or endless attempts at meticulously counterbalanced poses.  As someone whose toys are all standing on the edges of shelves several feet above carpetless floors, this sort of stability is key.

My only major complaint is that the figure’s only packaged accessory is a lone Batarang, molded from the sort of limp, ineffective plastic that is permanently bowed before even taking it out of the box.  For $17 it doesn’t seem like asking too much for Mattel to include a grappling gun or something, but if all you’re going to throw in is a single tiny Batarang, at least make it less sad.  It’s a shame, because the left hand is actually sculpted in such a way as to hold the weapon really well, but from most angles the droop is really obvious.

All in all though, this is a really nice figure, as evidenced by my immediate impulse buy.  I didn’t already have any sort of “old man Wayne” figures in my collection, so this fills that spot nicely and does fit in better with what I already have than the more faithful but often statue-like representations from DC Direct.  I seriously doubt they will, since the character is both Robin and a girl, but if Mattel were to make a Carrie Kelley figure in this line, I’d definitely buy it.  And since she’d require very little plastic in comparison to other figures, it should be easy to budget in a few extra accessories for Batman along with her slingshot.  You hear that, Mattel?  It’s a good plan.  Sell me two things.

As a musician, Rob Zombie has carved out a genre all his own, and every new album he releases is, for lack of a better word, an incredibly “safe” buy for me.  His back catalog doesn’t really have any low spots as far as I’m concerned, and when he made the transition into filmmaking part of me was hoping for more of the same.  And really, things got off to a pretty good start.  House of 1000 Corpses certainly had its issues but at the end of the day it feels like it’s just for me.  It’s a long-form music video with some pretty great performances out of Bill Moseley and Sid Haig, tons of memorable dialogue, and a few truly impressive scenes (the backyard execution, for one).  And it spawned the vastly improved sequel The Devil’s Rejects, which so far is one of my favorite horror movies of the 21st century.  Then he started remaking Halloween films and I stopped caring.  The original Halloween was a perfect one-and-done horror story; it didn’t need its sequels, much less a remake.  Much less a sequel to the remake.  So when Zombie started leaking casting info and images from his newest film, The Lords of Salem, I really wanted to be on board.  I didn’t get the same strong sense of concept that I did with his first two efforts, but it wasn’t Halloween 3 and it wasn’t aping any of the well-worn trends that have caused me to take a step back from the horror genre as of late, so despite any minor reservations it really felt like something to get excited about.

To be fair, the first half hour or so of The Lords of Salem feels promising enough.  Sheri Moon Zombie stars as Heidi, one of three DJs for a popular radio show in Salem, Massachusetts.  Her co-hosts (both named Herman, for whatever reason) are portrayed by Jeff Daniel Phillips and horror mainstay Ken Foree, and the three of them have some entertaining onscreen chemistry.  Zombie’s first two films were carried largely on the backs of unique characters that felt both fresh and iconic, and The Lords of Salem carries a hint of that for a few scenes before it all just falls apart.  Heidi receives a delivery from “The Lords”, a wooden box containing a mysterious record that, when played, triggers ancestral memories and hallucinations from Salem’s infamous witch hunt laden past.  So naturally they play the album on air and it triggers a similar effect with many more of Salem’s female residents, all apparently descendants of the town’s first settlers.  Things get worse for Heidi and she begins to withdraw into her apartment, while one of the Hermans is concerned that she’s back on drugs and the other Herman is concerned that Zombie didn’t really write any lines for him past the first fifteen minutes.

The Hermans’ screentime quickly flatlines to make room for three eccentric older ladies that hang out in the parlor of Heidi’s apartment building.  These ladies are, unsurprisingly, witches, and they take it upon themselves to keep Heidi isolated and disoriented in the fashion of Rosemary’s Baby.  Fine source material, and like a lot of other things about The Lords of Salem it could have been promising if correctly applied.  Genre icons Dee Wallace and Patricia Quinn bring some weight to their roles, but everything feels far too rushed to establish that weirdly friendly yet off-putting Satanist vibe that Ruth Gordon’s character brought to Rosemary’s Baby.  Heidi’s okay, and then she isn’t.  The ladies downstairs are friendly and harmless, and then they’re evil witches.  The only other character with anything to do is a local author (Bruce Davison), who wrote a book on the Salem witch trials.  Davison’s a good actor and his performance is solid for what he’s been given, but the character could be entirely lifted out of the film without even slightly altering the story.  He’s ostensibly there to do the research that aids Heidi in her predicament, but is instead reduced entirely to delivering redundant exposition to the audience.  It’s a movie about witches, which could have been great!  There is a surprising dearth of entertaining witch movies out there these days, perhaps second only to good Sasquatch movies.  But just being about something cool isn’t enough, and the overwhelming sense I get here is that Zombie assumed it was.  It feels very much like he wrote four or five pages of cool things about witches before just kicking his feet up on the desk and hoping the rest of the story would fill itself in.

Wayne Toth’s CGI-free effects are the one saving grace of the film.

As someone who probably watches a lot of the same movies as Rob Zombie, I appreciated the various references and homages littered throughout this film to the work of  directors like Polanski, Jodorowsky, Bava, and Méliès.  That’s some great fodder to work off of, and the combined result could have been interesting.  The problem is you need someone who can connect those dots, not someone who is just interested in hoarding dots in the hopes of impressing others with his dot collection.  Even House of 1000 Corpses with its endless nightmare of production difficulties felt like a more cohesive final product, and this one isn’t even in the same league as The Devil’s Rejects.  At best, The Lords of Salem plays like two thirds of a decent but derivative student film, the ending of which went missing and got hastily replaced with a music video.  American horror desperately needs a director who can pull the genre up out of the endless sea of remakes, torture porn, and tedious found footage exercises, and I really wanted Rob Zombie to be that guy.  Looks like the wait continues, but maybe if he ever gets Broad Street Bullies off the ground it’ll turn out that hockey movies were his calling all along.

EarthBound
• Dog: (You’re fantastic… you even take time to talk to animals.)
• Mr. T Lookalike: What? [plot event] That’s crap! Don’t believe it.
• Man in Car: I always see you walking around. Walking is good for your health.
• Celebrity’s Mom: I got a letter from my daughter. She wants me to see her next show. A book of photographs of her is coming out soon. I really open she kept her clothes on… Times have sure changed…
• Person Behind Door: Peanuts, Walnuts… Hazelnuts… Pecans… Macadamia nuts… Cashews… Almonds… Giant Pine Nuts… Pine Nuts… Sun Flower Seeds… Pumpkin Seeds… Pistachios… Which one do you like? [Yes or No dialogue] I asked you “Which one do you like?”…
• Zombie: (He stares into your soul.)
• Middle-Aged Man: We won because of our brains, guts, and togetherness. Wow! What a rush!
• Woman: Since the tunnel was cleared, many cars have started driving through it. It’s incredibly noisy.
• Man: It became really quite peaceful compared to before.
• Person Behind Door: I’m not sure who you are, but congratulations!
• Mr. Saturn: I do what I say… Cross heart…
• Mr. Saturn: I think new things… Different things… From now…
• Drunk Man: Hic! I’m fine. Hic! I’m not drinking the… hic! I hate these hiccups… Yes, they’re… hic! Another cappucino here! Hic!
• Bread Store Owner: Bread in this town has a very plain, nondescript flavor to it. To tell you the truth, I’m the owner of this bakery.
• Mr. T Lookalike: I was thinking “There’s a tight wad born every minute…”
• Poor Man: I’m very punctual about time and careful with money. I don’t look like it, though.
• Saxophonist: You’re very young, but you brought something very precious back to the people in this town. Thank you.
• Man Inside Winters Store: Is it cold outside?
• Vacationing Woman: Forget about the adventure, come back again!
• Vacationing Man: Don’t get too excited about this town. It’s a tourist trap. Everyone seems to be nice, but they’re just going it for the money. I know from experience.
• Man in Car: Hey, hey!! Stop putting your grimy fingerprints all over my car, you little punk!
• Man in Club Stoic: Didactically speaking, seminal evidence seems to explicate the fact that your repudiation of entropy supports my theory of space-time synthesis. Of this, I am irrefutably confident.
• Woman in Club Stoic: Mmmmm. I think it’s a very complicated issue. ….. Oh, sorry! I was sleeping…
• Monk: What’s the difference between “existing” and “exiting” …..Nothing? Mmmmm Mmmmm
• Creature: I’m a woman. Did you think I was a man?

Chrono Trigger
• Enlightened Woman: This mysterious sapling… Maybe someday it will help change our environment?
• Earthbound Man: Gotta seize the day!
• Multiple Townsfolk: Peace at least, thanks to the Hero! Hurrah for the Hero! Hurrah for Guardia!
• Citizen: [Plot event]. Now that it’s safe I’m enjoying my lemonade! Vitamin C builds strong bodies!
• Citizen: Let’s wage peace from now on!
• Citizen: What a happy occasion! Let’s get crazy!
• Citizen: Don’t overdo it!
• Cook: If only I had some Jerky… What a great meal I could make…
• Gato: They call me Gato ♪ I have metal joints ♪ Beat me up ♪ And earn 15 Silver points ♪ [Battle] I lost ♪ You won ♪ Here’s 15 Points ♪ Now wasn’t that fun!? ♪
• Woman: Some monsters coexist with humans. Like that piano player.
• Monster: I’m the piano man ♪ [Option 1] Play a sad one, Joe! [Option 2] Something upbeat, please!
• Woman: But I haven’t given up. This child, and this seed are still growing.

Final Fantasy 4
• Woman in Bar: It’s very peaceful here in the this village except for those earthquakes we sometimes have here.
• Old Man: What? Our ancestors? How did they come here? Let me see, that is… Mmm…… I forgot.
• Child: It’s because of my dwarf blood that I’m so short. I wish I had an ogrish one.
• Citizen: I am glad to see you are so brave and right!
• Citizen: This doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you!
• Citizen: We will trust you!
• Citizen: You can’t swim with such armor on! It’ll rust!
• Soldier: Toroia is ruled by women. Troops and soldiers are all women, too! Me? Of course!
• Minister: I’m not an old maid. I’m the minister! The eight Clerics are inside.
• Soldier: I like this place better than any place else!

Final Fantasy 6
• Old Woman: I’m hiding away from Kefka.
• Kid: You took one look at me and thought I was a loser, right? You’re obligated to buy from me, now!
• Multiple People: After [plot event], I awoke all alone in Doma Castle. When I would try to sleep there, demons would come for me… Oh! I don’t want to remember that!
• Citizen: There are monsters inside! They keep petrifying everyone who goes in to help. You using suitable Relics? [You using Term Life Insurance?]
• Sabin: But of course! You think a minor thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?
• Citizen: Many monsters nowadays attack with “Zombie”, Petrify” and the like. Have you equipped suitable Relics?
• Citizen: I was on lookout duty for Kefka.. But I lost my nerve…
• Citizen: A Knight came through here recently… He was amazing! But his heart was full of chaos… When he can cope with his pain, he’ll be the mightiest warrior alive.
• Citizen: A spell ago, some oddball came strolling through here. Kept callin’ people “thou.”
• Citizen: You know that guy in Zozo who says, “This place is dangerous!”? He’s the only one guy in that town who tells the truth. Maybe he can help you.

Harvest Moon
• Observing a chicken statue: I [sic] looks like an ornament of a chicken but what is it? It interests me.
• Midwife: You won’t die without money. Money is not necessary to live a full life.
• Drunkard: Ah, you! Working too hard is not good for your health, you know.
• Ellen: It’s hard to shovel snow but it feels good to exercise in the morning when it snows.
• Maria’s Mom: Don’t think it’s OK to do bad things if it’s not discovered. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. That’s the way we are. But it’s wrong to not feel guilty about what you’ve done wrong.
• Priest: Day like today, it’s good to think of your life a little seriously. …Oh no, I shouldn’t do that… I’ve complained a little unconsciously but… well, that’s what I do, anyway.
• Nina’s Mom: Oh my goodness! No, no, no, nothing like that! You know, something like… thanks…
• Midwife: There’s a useful book over there, about girls,I wrote it.Better read it. [sic]
• Ellen: The stillness of Winter makes me calm down so I love it.
• Drunkard: Oh well,a lot of things happen while you are alive. You just couldn’t go through life if you got mad at everything.

Illusion of Gaia
• Citizen: The Incas who lived here were a tribe without a written language. Their legends are left in song. Even in seemingly meaningless melodies, there is a message.
• Bill: Meet with the Elder. He knows something.
• Woman Next to Salesman: I’m worried. There’s been a lot of strange merchants lately doing business…
• Salesman Next to Woman: I travel around to people’s houses selling weapons used to fight demons. We may live in troubled times, but I won’t sell a weapon to a child.
• Citizen: It’s the little things in life that make you rich or poor. Well, heard any good stories?
• Seth’s Father: What’s wrong with having a little fun with my hard-earned money!!
• Seth’s Mother: It’s no joke! That man! I put up with it for Seth’s sake, but if it weren’t for him, I’d have left long ago!
• Jeweler Gem: I am the Jeweler Gem. I control the Seven Seas. I’m holding [unit] of the Red Jewels for you. What’s your business? [Option 1: Just wanted to see you] Is that right. How do you do. Once you hold up the Red Jewels, you’ll have to come running to my place. I am a famous master of disguises. If you saw me in another town, you wouldn’t know me.
• Citizen: A life lived honestly. A life of fun and laughter.
• Citizen: Listen to me carefully. You’d better not go on the back streets. Just as a rose has thorns, a pretty town has another side.

Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
• Storekeeper: Well howdy, Light Worlder! You look like a straight shooter… Want to try your skill in my shooting gallery? I’ll give you five shots for 20 Rupees. If you’re as sharp as I think you are, you stand to rake in the Rupees. How about it, stranger? [No way] Well little partner, you can turn yourself right around and leave the same way you came in. See you later! Have a nice day!
• Sign: This is the Village of Outcasts. People without Rupees are not welcome here.
• Old Man: Whoa… I saw her. A very nice young lady at the Waterfall of Wishing in the hills where the river begins… Link, you should meet her at least once. I’m sure you will like her.
• Bottle Seller: I’m all sold out of bottles. Come back later, OK?
• Sign next to soldier: [Picture of Link] WANTED! This is the criminal who kidnapped Zelda. Call a soldier if you see him!
• Citizen: I haven’t had a chance to trim my hedges recently. Thanks for visiting anyways… A while ago, there was a boy in this village who could talk to animals with his Flute. He had a pet bird that flew with him everywhere, but he went to the mountain and never returned.
• Fortune Teller: Hmmm… Yuo look like you might have an interesting destiny… May I tell your fortunte? I’ll make it cheap… [Not interested] It is indeed a poor man who is not interested in his future… I’ll be waiting for your return.
• Sick Kid: Sniffle… I hope I get well soon… Cough cough…
• Sign: This way to the Lost Woods
• Link: This is it! The Master Sword! … … … No, this can’t be it… Too bad.

Robotrek
• Citizen: Thanks for all you’ve done. At first I thought you were strange, but you’re dependable!!
• Citizen: ………. ……Sign..
• Police Officer: Hmmph… You’ll probably be a little more useful than your father.
• Police Officer: Hey! You! You can’t come in the police station without permission!
• Rose: What have you been doing? Oh… That’s great, kid.
• Mayor: I’ve been expecting you for a long time now. Wah hah hah.
• Citizen: The Mayor doesn’t do any work at all. He’s fired every staff member who’s said anything about it! No matter what, his secretary, Rose, does everything. I’m so ashamed!
• Citizen: Are you the one who found the lost children? Had I known there was a reward, I would have looked harder.
• Old Man: Nice weather today. Want to talk a while? [No, thanks.] Hmmm… Lonely…
• Sign: “Recently Hackers have been seen near here. Report any suspicious persons! Rococo Police”

Secret of Evermore
• Citizen: Was that you that we saw flying on the back of that four-winged bird? Nice!
• Fire Eyes: Thanks for all your help, [That Guy]. Let me know if you find a passage back to Podunk. Would you like to equip or unequip your spells? [Not right now.]
• Citizen: The hero returns! You’re always welcome in our village, [That Guy.]
• Citizen: A brute named Tiny dropped a boulder on me boss. I’d like to thank him someday.
• Guard that is easy to walk around: Don’t try to get around me and enter the palace grounds. I’m warning you, I’m quick–quick like the wind.
• Guard: Please adhere to the following rule of the city square: No swimming, No swearing, No laughing, No crying, No talking out of turn, No line dancing, No moose calling, No sword play, No pumpkin carving, No mummified cat juggling, No wallowing in your own self pity, No circumstantial evidence, No walking on the grass, No pancakes on Monday, No dessert until you eat your vegetables, No slapstick comedy, No balloon animals, And absolutely, positively, No barking like a seal. It upsets me.
• Citizen: The world has been so confusing lately. I may become a follower of the Sacred Chicken.
• Citizen: Somebody is watching over us… controlling us. It’s true, I tell you. It’s true! We are merely sprites that dance at the beck and call of our button-pressing overlord. This is a video game. Don’t you see? We are characters in a video game.
• Citizen: First we lived in Ebon Keep, then we lived in Ivor Tower. Now we live in Ebon Keep again. I’m getting a little confused and I’m quite tired of moving.
• Citizen: I protect the statue. It’s a very important job. I used to protect a shrub.

Secret of Mana
• Citizen: …… Don’t you ever shut up? I don’t want to talk to you!
• Citizen: Why are you talking to me? I don’t know anything!
• Citizen: Mana sustains the cosmos… …but is not infinite… People no longer cherish life… So Mana is fading away.
• Watts: Whew! That’s some climb, huh!?
• Citizen: It’s waaaaaater!
• Citizen: This here island’s really a turtle shell!
• Citizen: You’re in the heart of theca stle. [sic]
• Citizen: The Empire’ll never take this castle!
• Soldier: Something evil about that Dark Stalker…
• Re-purposed Enemy Sprite: We aren’t equipped to fight monsters.

Super Mario RPG
• Citizen: Hey, Mario! Look what you’re standin’ in! [Jump] HA! Gotcha!
• Gaz: It’s gonna be a little lonely without you, but… hey, I can handle it.
• Boshi: (What’re YOU lookin’ at? If you wanna challenge me, you have to bring Cookies!)
• Citizen: “Mi”, a name I call myself! “Ti”, a drink of jam and bread! Oops! That’s… not really how it goes. I’m just bored. But if you go to the mountain, they’ll sing you the real song.
• Apprentice: Mario! Let me show you what I’ve learned in my classes so far. I’ll be Snifit 4 if I beat you! …………maybe. [Fight] Whaaa…… Now they’ll make me take the training course over again.
• Bellhop: Please, make yourself at home. Now I shall be on my way… [Looks like he wants a TIP...] [Will you give him one? (Sure, why not?)] THANK YOU very much, sir! Please enjoy your stay here.
• Star Road Wish: I wish for everyone to be happy.
• Elder: Smithy and his gang have disrupted business around here. Why don’t you help us out and do some shopping before you leave?
• Treasure Chest: You think you’ve found them all, but there are still 1 left.
• Citizen: Go up those steps, and you’ll find the royal bus that goes to the volcano. It’s pretty cool.

So if you don’t have your old copy of EarthBound anymore or any of your other SNES games, give them another go. If you never had the chance to play EarthBound when it came out either due to bad marketing or apprehension relating to the graphics, or now due to the price of legal copies of the game, before the end of the year, you’ll be able to play it legally for the first time in close to 20 years. To be sure, EarthBound and other SNES games are dated. Their worlds have an innocence that our world lacks, but they still hold up and are great ways to spend your evenings when you’re not doing research.

Danny Boyle is a squirrelly director to try to pin down.  In 1996 Trainspotting made me fear hard drugs and heroin in particular more deeply than anyone has ever feared anything, in the history of fear.  28 Days Later came along and was a brilliant “zombie” movie while simultaneously probably wrecking the zombie movie subgenre for years to come.  Then, after a handful of great films across a wide variety of genres, the Academy finally backs a truck full of Oscars up to his front door for Slumdog Millionaire, and I just…I  might be in the minority here, but I hated that movie.  I made it through, but only via sheer force of will.  127 Hours was an incredible experience which threw me firmly back into Team Boyle, but it’s hard to deny that, compared to his other work, it felt like the product of someone who had tasted gold and wanted more.  I started to long for the old days, a feeling that finally seeing Shallow Grave solidified.  What I’m trying to say is that as a subscriber to the auteur director theory, Danny Boyle renders my belief structure difficult and uncertain at times.  He maintains a strong visual style which I adore, but his project choices have such an element of randomness to them that I’m never quite sure how excited I should be about his next release.  Anyone else occupying the same fence as I do would be well served to go out and grab a ticket to Boyle’s newest film, Trance.

Right up there is the excellent red-band trailer for Trance, take a couple minutes and check it out.  There are previews for upcoming films I’ve probably seen half a dozen times in the theater, but this one doesn’t seem to be getting much play (I only saw it at an arthouse showing of Stoker).  That’s a shame, because it’s a great trailer.  The cinematography and overall flow of the movie is perfectly captured, that back-and-forth metronome beat between intriguing and horrific that made Trainspotting so effective.  Every time you want to cringe and look away, Boyle pulls you back in with something beautiful (here that job goes primarily to Rosario Dawson), and your eyes are wide open for the next atrocity.

The premise that I managed to gather from my initial viewing of the above trailer was something like Inception-lite, and that ended up being more or less accurate.  It’s a heist story involving hypnotism rather than dreams, to be precise, but the script definitely invites comparisons in that it leverages the untapped potential of the human mind in a way that is at once impossible and bizarrely logical.  Like Inception, Trance does occasionally threaten to become muddled under the weight of its own concepts, but always pulls itself together again.  Careful viewers will be rewarded rather than cheated, and the plot manages to navigate some tight corners without ever resorting to the dreaded Shyamalan Twist.

A large part of what makes the film work so well is its cast, which aside from a handful of minor supporting roles is a rather small one.  I don’t want to call it typecasting because of the  negative connotations there and the fact that it shortsells the ground covered by the principal actors here, but I can’t think of a better word at the moment.  Their strengths, I suppose, are used at great length to help keep the viewer off-balance.  Rosario Dawson is disarmingly pretty and inviting, even when her character is not.  James McAvoy retains an inherent charm and likeability, even when he shouldn’t.  And Vincent Cassel is intense and menacing, even when presenting no threat.  Some people need to be told how they should feel about a character at all times, and Trance is particularly effective at abusing those expectations.

Trance won’t win any recognition from the Academy, but that low profile and its limited release are all the more reason for fans of Danny Boyle’s past work to actively seek this one out.  The tsunami of summer blockbusters is just over the horizon, so if you want to see this one in the theater get out there while you still can.

When I first heard the news of Roger Ebert’s death, 12 hours ago as of the time I’m starting this article, my immediate reaction was that this was going to be the hardest article I ever had to write.  Then after reading a handful of pretty eloquent tributes/obituaries from around the Internet, I decided I wasn’t going to write one myself.  I felt like everything that could be said had been said, much of it by better writers than myself.  I thought I’d save myself the experience of being at the computer at 4am, halfway through a bottle of wine and trying to maintain enough composure to write about something that affected me deeply enough that I feel like I’m still trying to process it.  Then I sat down and wrote a few pages of a screenplay for a homework assignment that about five other people in my class will do and even fewer will actually care about.  Later on I watched a pretty great documentary called These Amazing Shadows, about the process of preserving and inducting movies into the National Film Registry.  As I watched the credits roll on that, I realized I wasn’t escaping this article.  There are few things in this life that make me as happy as not only watching movies, but also discussing them with everyone I possibly can, and to that end I owe a great deal to Mr. Ebert.  I’ll sadly never get to tell him that myself, but at the very least I can tell a bunch of other people about it.

I’ve loved movies ever since I was a kid, well before I had any sort of grasp on the concept of good movie/bad movie.  I just sort of watched whatever I could and found things to love in most of them, which in all honesty isn’t too dissimilar from my approach today.  But in my desire to learn more about them in those days of five TV channels and no Internet, I inadvertently stumbled upon the world of film criticism the way I’m sure a lot of people did, via Siskel and Ebert at the Movies.  Massive 24-screen multiplexes weren’t really a thing then, so not every town got every movie.  And even if they did, I didn’t get to go all that often, most of what I saw were VHS tapes rented out of grocery stores.  But Siskel and Ebert were a revelation, not only showing clips from a much larger variety of movies than I had access to, but also discussing and often arguing over their relevant merits.  That might not sound like a big deal now, but to a 10 year old kid trying to reconcile the feeling that somehow Ghostbusters 2 didn’t feel as cool as Ghostbusters, it was a whole new way of looking at things.

By the time I hit college and had access to an amazing video store with an endless supply of films of all kinds (albeit still sadly on VHS), Gene Siskel died.  The duo that had started it all was no more, but Roger Ebert was still in full swing and thanks to the timely rise of the Internet I had more access to his work than ever before.  I devoured stacks of movies every week, usually grabbing as many as I could haul back on foot from the video store to my dorm room.  I watched everything from Casablanca to Seven Samurai to Pink Flamingos thanks to that wonderful video store, always followed by reading Roger’s reviews online or in his books which I’d check out from the library.  I didn’t always agree with his analysis but it always felt insightful and his opinions were his own.  It was clear to me that he wrote out of a true lifelong love of film rather than any interest in getting his quotes in an ad campaign or any concern about the majority consensus.  And best of all, his encyclopedic knowledge of the medium meant that his reviews were often a much-needed signpost between one film I loved and the next I should look into, before Amazon and Netflix turned that into a mathematical equation.

I’ve spent most of my adult life either bouncing between menial jobs or at a complete dead-end.  I dropped out of college, moved around too much, repeatedly displayed a tenuous grasp on the concept of functional relationships, and put too much distance between myself and my friends.  So while my love and knowledge of the movies has only grown over the years, the number of people I have to discuss them with has dwindled.  The ritual of looking up Ebert’s review of every possible film that I watched solidified, and his was a consistent voice on the subject that I always had access to, wherever I was.  Even though it’s something that a ton of people do in some capacity or another, writing about movies on the Internet is something that I really feel has helped to put my life back on track.  It’s hard to make a career out of, but it gave me something to focus on and finally a good reason to go back to school.  Counting my pre-dropout credits I’m now five semesters in on my way to getting the degree I need to become a film professor, so I’ll always have a group of students with whom I can discuss the movies that I love, and hopefully impart to them even a fraction of the knowledge that Mr. Ebert made available to me.

Even though Roger Ebert is gone now, felled by a disease that even to the end failed to diminish his drive and enthusiasm, he left behind not only an unrivaled contribution to the world of film journalism, but also a great many people who considered themselves his students and will do their best to carry his work far into the future.  For not only all the times I agreed with his views on a film, but also for the sometimes baffling ratings that assured me it’s okay to have an unpopular opinion and still be well-respected, I will be eternally grateful.

To read Ebert’s poignant last words to the world, an astonishingly far-reaching plan for his own future a mere two days before cancer stole him away, you can check out his final blog entry here: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2013/04/a_leave_of_presense.html. A leave of presence, indeed.

On the scale of toylines that get turned into movies, 2009′s GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra fell somewhere between Michael Bay’s first two Transformers movies.  It was slightly more of an incoherent mess with no regard for the source material than Transformers, but at least managed to not be an offensive and racist mess like Revenge of the Fallen.   Mostly, it just made me sleepy.  I actually fell asleep on my first two attempts to watch it, not getting all the way to the end until the third try.  Like how you hear about mental techniques designed to help people withstand torture, I think my body has just been conditioned to shut down during Stephen Sommers movies.  Even with a new director I was wary about a sequel, but the fact remains that way back at the tender age of 19, my very first tattoo was a Cobra insignia.  I’m immensely fond of the original cartoon and the surprisingly well-written 80′s comic book series, and truly believe that somewhere in there lies the potential for a great series of films.  When it comes to fulfilling that potential, GI Joe: Retaliation doesn’t quite get there, but it’s definitely aimed in the right direction.

Retaliation is technically the sequel to The Rise of Cobra, but in a lot of ways it feels like a soft reboot.  Only a handful of actors return from the original, including Arnold Vosloo who sees just a couple minutes of actual screentime as Zartan, and Ray Park as the perpetually-masked ninja commando Snake Eyes.  Only Byung-hun Lee gets to expand much on his original part as the deadly Cobra ninja Storm Shadow, which I am thankful for as he was one of the only pieces of the first movie that I felt really worked.  Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (who I desperately want to see make an amazing movie someday) makes his franchise debut as Roadblock, and he’s good enough here to carry the movie on his shoulders whenever it starts to lag between the handful of impressive setpieces.  Fellow newcomer Bruce Willis seems to be having fun as the team’s namesake, General Joe Colton, and Ray Stevenson is another great addition as the explosives-obsessed saboteur Firefly.  With that much cast shakeup it really does feel like a fresh start, and the costume design reinforces those changes with an overall look that is much closer to the authentic GI Joe style.

Ehh, I guess it’s pretty big…

The plot borrows from the recent animated series GI Joe: Renegades, with Cobra initiating a scheme to turn the Joe team into wanted outlaws while they seize control of the government.  The idea has potential but it ends up being a minor inconvenience at best and the movie seems to shift from idea to idea without ever fully capitalizing on any of them.  A supermax underground prison run by Walton Goggins, for example, seems like something worth expanding on but it just sort of goes in the “squandered potential” pile.  The B story, which focuses on Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow’s origins in the Arashikage ninja clan, honestly could have been its own movie.  Snake Eyes’ protege Jinx (Elodie Yung) makes her debut, and RZA was a pretty cool choice to play Blind Master.  There’s a great hallway duel that feels like an homage to the yearly “silent” issues of the GI Joe comic, and a unique and impressive mountainside ninja battle.  They’re some of the best scenes in the movie, but part of me also felt like they took away some of the urgency from the much bigger issues facing the team.  There’s also a major event during the film’s climax that I won’t spoil, but which ends up bizarrely ignored.

This shot right here would have been the greatest moment in the life of six-year-old me. 32-year-old me still thinks it’s pretty rad.

Any issues Retaliation might have had as a film are, however, smoothed over with a good bit of fan service.  In addition to the aforementioned ninja action, Cobra Commander finally looks and acts like the villain GI Joe fans know and love, and the unfurling of Cobra banners down the front of the White House feels straight out of the cartoon.  Roadblock breaks out his trademark oversized artillery, and nobody is wearing the terrible Halo-inspired armor from the first movie.  Every scene with Firefly in action is entertaining and Ray Stevenson, like Dwayne Johnson, has a knack for elevating whatever he’s in.  There are even HiSS tanks, my favorite mode of Cobra transportation from the cartoon, and their design is really faithful and identifiable.  Now I’m not saying fan service is everything, and it can’t save a terrible movie, but in my opinion it can certainly enrich an otherwise middling film.  When it comes to action movies I’m sure there will be more substantial offerings here and there throughout the summer, but if you’re a GI Joe fan looking for an appetizer before blockbuster season officially kicks off in May, I’d advise ignoring the aggregate reviews and checking this one out.  It’s certainly not perfect, but I had a lot of fun with it flaws and all.

Every console generation, for me at least, carries with it a handful of vivid memories that stand out above the rest–experiences that remind me how great of a hobby video games can be even when so many executives and shady developers are out to prove otherwise.  For the current cycle of consoles one such landmark moment came in 2007, after swimming through the flaming wreckage of an airplane to find a lighthouse.  Greeted by a large red banner proclaiming “No gods or kings. Only man.”, and accompanied by a violin rendition of “Beyond the Sea”, my first trip to the decayed underwater paradise of Rapture is a moment I’ll never forget.  Lots of great games have come and gone since, but for me nothing has ever lived up to the sense of wonder I felt playing through Bioshock for the first time.  Bioshock 2 was better than its reputation, even if it did suffer from retread syndrome and detached, arbitrary multiplayer features.  I enjoyed it, but it didn’t really recapture the magic.  So I kept a cautious eye on the development and seemingly endless delays of the third entry in the series, hopeful but all too aware of how quickly the gaming industry can disappoint its fans.

I picked up Bioshock Infinite when it released on Tuesday, and around 5am on Thursday morning, I was sitting on the couch watching the credits roll through to the end.  That is not to say this is a short game, by any means.  It took me twenty hours, broken up into three play sessions.  Certainly some of that can be attributed to the lack of a manual save system.  Unlike most autosave-only games, this one does let you know exactly when the game last autosaved before you commit to quitting, but there was still a degree of that “just one more checkpoint” mentality going on for me.  Mostly though, it’s because Ken Levine and the team at Irrational Games once again succeeded in hitching a deep and compelling story to a game that’s an amazing amount of fun to play.

No longer confined to the interesting but claustrophobic city of Rapture, Bioshock Infinite introduces players to Columbia, a sprawling city in the clouds with a wide variety of distinct locations.  The series’ trademark 1940′s art deco look as been swapped out for a late 19th-century World’s Fair aesthetic, while still maintaining stylistic ties with the first two entries in the series.  The shift also serves to distance in-game poster art and signage from fellow retro-future franchise Fallout and cover some territory that’s relatively fresh to video games.  I could seriously talk about the art direction all day, from airship design to the decision to include snippets of the game’s backstory in several dozen Kinetoscope devices scattered around Columbia.  I felt like I spent almost as much time just looking at things as I did progressing through the game, and I think a second playthrough would result in a very similar approach.  Irrational did such a great job creating a world that felt lived in but abandoned with the original Bioshock, it was really great to see them manage a similar feat with a city that hasn’t yet fallen into disrepair.  Oh, and one more thing before I stop gushing about the art: the color palette.  Segueing from other recent games into Bioshock Infinite is how audiences must have felt when they saw The Wizard of Oz for the first time.  Saying a game contains a dazzling array of colors shouldn’t be a rarity given the capabilities of modern consoles, but so many developers seem reticent to stray very far from brown, lest they sacrifice a precious modicum of grittiness.  That’s not a problem here, and I just wanted to point out how much I appreciate it.

Handymen are harder to kill than Big Daddies ever were, but thankfully are much rarer.

Beautiful character and environmental design only goes so far though, even the prettiest game is hard to get behind if it’s not fun to play.  Luckily Irrational has you covered on that front as well, getting everything right that one could possibly hope for.  I was  hesitant, for instance, when I realized early on that Elizabeth, the game’s poster child, would likely act as companion to protagonist Booker DeWitt for the duration of the experience.  Past escort mission nightmares set warning sirens off in my head, until a little pop-up assured me that there’s “No need to worry about Elizabeth in combat, she can take care of herself”.  And not only does she avoid standing in front of bullets like any sensible sidekick, she actually makes herself useful by tossing out ammo and health occasionally during combat, and money when exploring.  The very concept that a female companion in a video game can be emotionally engaging and instill a sense of responsibility in the player without being utterly useless and imperiled at every turn is something that game developers seem to have only discovered in the past year, so hopefully it’s a trend that continues.  I was also worried about the skyline segments featured in all the preview trailers, presuming that they’d be on-rails shooting segments at best.  Again I was relieved from the moment I first used one, latching on with my skyhook and finding it easy to control speed, reverse direction, and take aim at enemies all while traversing the networks of aerial rails found throughout Columbia.  Add all that on top of a huge weapon selection and the usual interesting array of special powers (referred to now as “Vigors” rather than Plasmids, to fit the new aesthetic), and you’ve got a game that is fun to play at every turn.  Firefights are engaging and fast-paced, and encourage the use of everything at your disposal, a nice break from the endless fields of waist-high cover littering other shooters.

She might not look on top of things here, but I assure you she’s just scouting for helpful items.

While not every building is explorable there are still a lot of opportunities to poke around the less-traveled routes in Columbia, with a lot of collectibles that are very worth finding.  Infusions let you upgrade your choice of health, shield, or salts (which power your Vigors).  A wide variety of gear equippable to four different slots let you customize aspects of your character ranging from decreased reload times to a chance to set opponents on fire with melee attacks.  The usual Bioshock audio diaries are present in the form of Voxophones (massive “portable” contraptions employing phonograph records), and are joined by the aforementioned Kinetoscopes, which show brief silent movies highlighting Columbia’s history.  I scoured what seemed like every inch of the game and still came up a little short on all the collectible-related achievements, so for completionists it’s definitely something to shoot for.

Seriously, if this game just makes more people learn about Kinetoscopes, it’s all worth it.

I’m reluctant to delve into the story for the purposes of this review, since I myself tried so hard to avoid any and all spoilers leading up to the game, and felt richly rewarded for my efforts.  I will say however that it delves pretty heavily into several topics such as religion, worker’s rights, and racism, so much so that some of the signage and graffiti is a little jarring at times.  There aren’t very many games out there dealing with real-world topics in a way that is neither one-sided nor pandering, and Irrational wisely disposed of any arbitrary “good/evil” decision making so the player is free to think about the subject matter being presented without taking one side or another in the hopes of exclusive gear or an Achievement.  Also disposed of for the sake of an intact story is any form of multiplayer or co-op.  I realize there is an ever growing segment of players out there unable to enjoy a game unless they’re shouting into a headset, but every once in a while it’s nice to have that traditional single-player experience.  Some things are better explored alone, and as much as I enjoy the occasional co-op session, I’m happy to see a game confident enough in its narrative and presentation to leave out that sort of thing.

A bigger variety of deadly clockwork Presidents would have been cool, but I’ll take what I can get.

There are always going to be little nitpicks about any game, even one I enjoyed as much as this.  The game does sort of railroad towards the end as the story hits its climax, but that’s honestly something I’ve never seen avoided in any game trying to tell a real story, so I’m not sure that’s even a complaint.  I’d like to be able to go back to previous areas so I didn’t have to replay the entire game in hopes of finding the five or so collectibles I missed the first time through, but the backtracking also would have detracted from the urgency of the narrative.  I guess the best way to put it is that I can’t think of anything I’d want that there wasn’t a good reason to handle the way they did.  As an experience there are few games from this generation that can compete, and fewer still that deliver so consistently on every level.  In the end I can say with confidence that there are moments from my time in Columbia that will stand alongside that first descent into Rapture six years ago, and that’s the best compliment I think I could ever bestow upon a game.

Stoker is the US directorial debut of Korean filmmaker Park Chan-wook, best known in this country for his “revenge trilogy”, comprised of the thematically similar but otherwise unrelated films Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, and Lady Vengeance.  I’m a big fan of those three titles, as well as his contribution to the anthology film Three… Extremes, but I’ll admit I wasn’t sure how he’d handle a more low-key American thriller.  But the trailer grew on me each of the four times or so that I saw it in the theater, and despite Fox Searchlight’s baffling strategy of following up heavy marketing with a whisper-quiet limited release spread out over an entire month, we finally managed to find a theater nearby that was playing it.  Was it worth the wait and/or effort to see?  Read on and find out!

Not only is Stoker Park’s first US film, it is also the screenwriting debut of Prison Break star Wentworth Miller.  That strikes me as an unexpected pairing, and its even more unexpected that I’d find myself using the term “Hitchcockian” to describe their combined output, but here we are.  The script is a pretty good and slightly supernatural update to Hitchcock’s 1943 film Shadow of a Doubt, even down to the creepy uncle in both films (played here by Matthew Goode) being named “Charlie”.  Park took that ball and ran with it, echoing Hitch in everything from shot construction and camera movement to the clever use of sound effects to transition between cuts.  Speaking of which, if you have any interest in seeing this film (and you should), by all means make every possible effort to see it in a theater.  I’m usually far more focused on the visual aspects of a movie than the audio (mostly due to my embarrassing lack of an at-home surround sound setup), but here they are absolutely on equal ground and the sound design is frequently brilliant, serving to further heighten the intensity of the film even through normally mundane actions such as brushing hair or peeling hardboiled eggs.  Seriously, I cringed at the egg peeling.

And there are, to be sure, a lot of intense moments.  While it’s not a story packed with the overt level of violence that Park is known for (despite the best use of a pencil on film since The Dark Knight), you can feel it bubbling just below the surface in almost every scene.  There isn’t a single moment where anything feels at ease, or even where it feels like things ever have been.   The relationship between India Stoker (Mia Wasikowska) and her mother (Nicole Kidman at her longtime best) is far too bizarrely fractured to be explained even partly by the sudden death of India’s father or the just-as-sudden arrival of the uncle she never knew she had, and if there’s one thing the script left me wanting it was some hint of how their lives fit together even in the best of times.  It’s not enough to impact the quality of the story at hand, but nevertheless it did leave me wondering what might have gotten cut out between page and screen, being the script’s main diversion from Hitchcock’s style of storytelling.

Interestingly, given the extreme personalities of the characters they portray, all three principal actors (and especially Wasikowska) turn in quietly compelling performances.  The heated confrontations one might expect in a modern thriller never really happen here, manifesting instead in brief, surprising bursts of violence to punctuate the tension.  As a viewer I frequently felt put in the awkward position of knowing what I was rooting against, but not quite what I was rooting for, which was a uniquely interesting sensation.  Even as the credits rolled I couldn’t have told you if I got the ending I wanted, and I still can’t.  What I do know is that Wentworth Miller is a really promising writer, and that Park Chan-wook’s talent is not in the least diluted by making films for a Western audience.  Hopefully Stoker ends up with the wide release it deserves, and Park doesn’t find himself disillusioned by the often inexplicable antics of American studios.

Addendum: As I was putting on the finishing touches before publishing this review, I saw that Stoker is at least making it to one multiplex here in Cleveland this week.  So perhaps there is hope for those without a nearby arthouse theater.